Friday, September 30, 2011

Pinocchio’s Revenge...Horror at its worst...and not in a good way

Pinocchio’s Revenge
Starring: Rosalind Allen & the adorable Brittany Alyse Smith
Directed by: Kevin Tenney


Plot

There is a plot in this movie? Yes…5 years ago Vincent Gotto killed his son for some unknown reason. While burring his boy with his beloved hand carved wooden puppet Pinocchio, (which Gotto made himself) he was caught and sent to death row. His public defender Jennifer Garrick (Allen) believed he was innocent. Yet despite her efforts she couldn’t get Gotto to cooperate. She believed he was hiding something; well his secret went to the grave with him as he road the lighting. Mysteriously the wooden puppet made it from the evidence box to Jennifer’s home where her daughter Zoe (Smith) instantly fell in love with it…that’s when things go suddenly wrong. Bullies at school get hurt, mom’s boyfriend meets with a nasty fall the beautiful live in maid Sophia gets killed and Zoe blames ever thing on Pinocchio…is the doll really up to no good or does this little girl need a healthy dose of Prozac? You decide…. (or not)

Review
Fuck…. This is the dullest movie in the history of film making! Clocking in at 96 minutes it feels like 3 hrs. 80 of those 96 minutes is filled with absolutely nothing of interest. Besides being treated to a full frontal nude shot of the beautiful Sophia who is the live in maid, nothing really gets kickin till the last 15 minutes of the movie. The film itself is confused because it never establishes why the wooden doll is alive, nor why or how Gotto made the puppet and why it came to life or appears to do so to the children who possess it. It attempts to use the Candyman possession technique but it really doesn’t come across that way and really plays out like the director and script writer just wanna fuck with the viewer which really sucks.
This movie is an absolute waste of time…

Observations
The director and cameraman must be pedophiles because there are two full on shots up Zoe’s catholic school girl uniform showing her vividly pink panties… the only problem is she is 8 years old…sick mother fuckers…the shots were too long just to be an accident. The voice of Pinnochio was the same one from the David and Goliath claymation cartoons many of us watched as kids… (If ya don’t know David and Goliath, you may have seen them in those new Mountain Dew commercials the one where 2 boys are fighting and the dad comes and takes the Dew and drinks it…)


Likes
Brittany Alyse Smith, this lil girl has some talent…too bad here parents made her do his wack ass flick…
The maid Sophia! That woman has a nice body and she shows it all for no apparent reason in this film….

Dislikes

The story the plot, the pointless of this movie
The fact that they don’t explain why the doll is evil or might be evil
2 up skirt shots on an 8 yr old…that is just sick
The fact that it isn’t clear that the doll moves on its own
That this movie tried to be a Child’s Play rip with a Candyman twist….

What I learned
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Best Quote

“I’m free! Now lets go visit David!”~ Pinnochio

Rating
I give this flick 1½ outta five…

Final Comment

DON’T rent or watch this film under any circumstances. Don’t watch this film and operate heavy equipment or machinery. Don’t watch this film and then go for a drive….just leave this shit alone.